A not very well off dwarf wins the $121 million state lottery and he decides to splash out. He calls his best friend (another dwarf) and they take the first flight down to Vegas.
Throwing a hundred thousand around on the crap tables, they soon gather a few admirers, in particular, two gorgeous, mini-skirted girls of easy virtue. The four of them soon retire to the 2-bedroom penthouse suite for a night of champagne, cocaine and general debauchery.
Unfortunately, despite the charms of his new lady friend, the first dwarf, is unable to get a hard-on. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of:
"Here I come again ...ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" and the squeaking of bed-springs all night long.
In the morning, once the girls have gone, the second dwarf asks the first:
"How did it go?"
The first mutters:
"It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get it up."
The second dwarf shook his head:
"You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the f***ing bed!"
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Friday, July 24, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Some lame jokes.
Two pretzels were walking down the street.
They were a-salted.
A guy walks into a bar
His alcohol dependency is ruining his family
a baby seal walks into a club...
2 tampons walking down the street. What do they say to each other?
Nothing. They're both stuck up cunts.
I got this awesome knock-knock joke...you start.
Try it, you'll be surprised the number of people who fall for it.
Two fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, "I don't know how to drive this thing."
a man walks into a bar.... Ouch.
a pirate bursts into a bar with a ships wheel protruding from his pants.
he says: ARRRRRRRRRRR Its driving ME NUTS!
what did one new zealand statue say to the other?
"statchoo bro"
why does a chicken coup have 2 doors?
if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
(rim shot)
The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much
what's a pirate's favorite part of the human anatomy
The ARRRRRRRRRRReola
I just saw a comedian walking down the street, but he was really Harry Potter's godfather.
Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first one says, "Pass the soap." The second one says, "No soap, radio?"
Three bank robbers are running from the police and run into a potato factory. They each hide in a potato sack. The police arrive and see the bags are moving.
The police kick the first potato sack and the first robber says, "Meow Meow"
Police say, "Oh its just a cat"
They kick the second potato sack and the second robber says, "Bow Wow!"
Police say, "Oh it's just a dog"
They kick the third potato sack and the third robber says, "Potato, Potato!"
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
what did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
gee we really do taste like chicken
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
A guy is asleep on his couch
He hears a knock on the door, and gets up to answer it.
He looks down, and sees a snail. Pissed that this snail woke him up, he picks up the snail, and throws it.
There's another knock on the door. The man answers it, and it's the snail who says "What the hell was that all about?"
Did you hear about the two antenna that got married?
The wedding was okay, but the reception was Amazing.
Retard goes to ice cream van and asks driver "i'll have two ice creams" van driver say's "what flavour topping would you like?" Retard says "dont matter im gonna drop them anyway"
Nigger walks into a bar with a duck under his arm, the Bartender says "hey you can't have that thing in here" and the duck says "I tried to tell him that, the dumb nigger wouldn't listen"
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14
Why can't Hellen Keller drive?
She's a woman.
What's the difference between a Priest and acne?
Acne comes on a kid's face after he turns 13.
what's the difference between jam and marmalade???
i can't marmalade my cock up your ass.
where does the king keep his armies?
In his sleevies
2 muffins in an oven
one says to the other
"OMG WHERE IN AN OVEN!"
the other turns around and says
"OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!"
What's green and red and goes 1000 mph?
A frog in a blender.
why does the virgin mary look sad?
she wanted a girl
A man says to his doctor, "Doc, I cant stop singing "She's A Lady."
The doctor replies, "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome to me."
The man says, "Is it common?"
The doctor replies, "It's not unusual."
A guy gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he's on a beach. The sand is dark red. He can't believe it. The sky is dark red. He walks around a bit and sees there is dark red grass, dark red birds and dark red fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when he finds that his skin is starting to turn dark red too.
"Oh no!!" he says. "I think I've been marooned!!"
guy's at the hospital, the doctor says
"I have good news and bad news"
guy- "gimme the bad news"
doctor- "you have three days left to live"
guy - " what the hell is the good news?!"
doctor - "we're naming the disease after you"
What goes 99-clump. 99-clump?
A centipede with a wooden leg.
there's a family of tomatoes walking down the street, a mama tomato, a papa tomato and a baby tomato, and the baby tomato starts to lag behind and papa tomato gets really angry, so he squishes him and says "ketchup."
A thief who stole a calendar got.....
twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became....
a hardened criminal.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was.....
on shaky ground.
A dentist and a manicurist fought.....
tooth and nail.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger....
Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was....
resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a.....
little behind in his work.
The dwarf fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a.....
small medium at large.
Why don't you put a baby in the blender head first?
Because you can't see his expression on the way down.
They were a-salted.
A guy walks into a bar
His alcohol dependency is ruining his family
a baby seal walks into a club...
2 tampons walking down the street. What do they say to each other?
Nothing. They're both stuck up cunts.
I got this awesome knock-knock joke...you start.
Try it, you'll be surprised the number of people who fall for it.
Two fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, "I don't know how to drive this thing."
a man walks into a bar.... Ouch.
a pirate bursts into a bar with a ships wheel protruding from his pants.
he says: ARRRRRRRRRRR Its driving ME NUTS!
what did one new zealand statue say to the other?
"statchoo bro"
why does a chicken coup have 2 doors?
if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
(rim shot)
The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much
what's a pirate's favorite part of the human anatomy
The ARRRRRRRRRRReola
I just saw a comedian walking down the street, but he was really Harry Potter's godfather.
Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first one says, "Pass the soap." The second one says, "No soap, radio?"
Three bank robbers are running from the police and run into a potato factory. They each hide in a potato sack. The police arrive and see the bags are moving.
The police kick the first potato sack and the first robber says, "Meow Meow"
Police say, "Oh its just a cat"
They kick the second potato sack and the second robber says, "Bow Wow!"
Police say, "Oh it's just a dog"
They kick the third potato sack and the third robber says, "Potato, Potato!"
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
what did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
gee we really do taste like chicken
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
A guy is asleep on his couch
He hears a knock on the door, and gets up to answer it.
He looks down, and sees a snail. Pissed that this snail woke him up, he picks up the snail, and throws it.
There's another knock on the door. The man answers it, and it's the snail who says "What the hell was that all about?"
Did you hear about the two antenna that got married?
The wedding was okay, but the reception was Amazing.
Retard goes to ice cream van and asks driver "i'll have two ice creams" van driver say's "what flavour topping would you like?" Retard says "dont matter im gonna drop them anyway"
Nigger walks into a bar with a duck under his arm, the Bartender says "hey you can't have that thing in here" and the duck says "I tried to tell him that, the dumb nigger wouldn't listen"
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14
Why can't Hellen Keller drive?
She's a woman.
What's the difference between a Priest and acne?
Acne comes on a kid's face after he turns 13.
what's the difference between jam and marmalade???
i can't marmalade my cock up your ass.
where does the king keep his armies?
In his sleevies
2 muffins in an oven
one says to the other
"OMG WHERE IN AN OVEN!"
the other turns around and says
"OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!"
What's green and red and goes 1000 mph?
A frog in a blender.
why does the virgin mary look sad?
she wanted a girl
A man says to his doctor, "Doc, I cant stop singing "She's A Lady."
The doctor replies, "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome to me."
The man says, "Is it common?"
The doctor replies, "It's not unusual."
A guy gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he's on a beach. The sand is dark red. He can't believe it. The sky is dark red. He walks around a bit and sees there is dark red grass, dark red birds and dark red fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when he finds that his skin is starting to turn dark red too.
"Oh no!!" he says. "I think I've been marooned!!"
guy's at the hospital, the doctor says
"I have good news and bad news"
guy- "gimme the bad news"
doctor- "you have three days left to live"
guy - " what the hell is the good news?!"
doctor - "we're naming the disease after you"
What goes 99-clump. 99-clump?
A centipede with a wooden leg.
there's a family of tomatoes walking down the street, a mama tomato, a papa tomato and a baby tomato, and the baby tomato starts to lag behind and papa tomato gets really angry, so he squishes him and says "ketchup."
A thief who stole a calendar got.....
twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became....
a hardened criminal.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was.....
on shaky ground.
A dentist and a manicurist fought.....
tooth and nail.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger....
Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was....
resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a.....
little behind in his work.
The dwarf fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a.....
small medium at large.
Why don't you put a baby in the blender head first?
Because you can't see his expression on the way down.
Monday, April 27, 2009
How dating my ex was like playing dota with a noob
Well its true that i might not as handsome as omniknight, or as macho
as roshan, but still, im like 24 lvl better then ur current pudge.
I always try to be a good omniknight .I heals you when
you hurts , Ga and repel ur ass when u rushing alone into drow , rylai and lina
with only 50 hp and a bunch of mana & hp potion in ur inventories
which u never use......its useless btw.
U cant blame me if u juz get own by those chicks when my GA and repel
runs off man.I cant be ur support unit endlessly, wat do you think? i have infinite
mana pool and no cooldown or sumthing??I need to regen and CD man.
Keep complaining about my hp is low, y mana not enough, wearing same old amours bla bla
Hey man, how the hell am i goin to farm my items when you keep asking me to supporting ur ass while u keep
rushing into enemy without thinking...
I need some private times to farm and earn man...
Everytime when u get ur ass in trouble u expect me to be right beside u..hey girl..
i cant always teleport to you once u Gangbang by some stunners or Invins.
I aint furion ok.
well at least give me like 30 min to farm alone for a boots of travels or sumthing.
whenever i wanted to farm alone or gang bang with my teammates.....u will use ur imba cooldown shaman's shackles to shackle my neck...wth
U see ..u cant expect me to change my build as u like, i need proper planing and time to farm
FYI, i need 2200 gold to convert boots of speed to boots of travels.Give me some space and time!!
Fighting with you is like fighting with mega creeps with all the raxes down,
it never end man.. it keep on coming and it gets stronger and stronger
and it grows FATTER as well...juz like u
Sometime i juz wish that i can have Faceless void's Timestop to freeze of our first 3 days.....
which i barely remeber....
Anyway, wat i hate the most about u ....
is that u have an imba ulti usage of Nerubian Weaver's Time Lapse..
Whenever we solve a problems... u will some how recreate and reconstruct the same old F-ing problems...
its like whenever i heal u.. u Time Lapse... i heal again u Time Lapse again.. WTF man...
u endless low hp faggotz.... y cant u juz heal up and stop the gay ulti... it kinda waste my mana u know...
Sometime i juz wish to suicide bomb my self into enemy rather then keep on healing u...
luckily i met this guy call Enigma,
we came out a plan which he can help me to ditch u in a hole call "black hole" and so
FFS u will gone for eternity...
too bad its was a fail attempt...
it looks like enigma's black hole cant suckup own alied...
damn i tot she's an enemy...
the only option now is either i leave the game or i Pull the Plug... but too bad.. being a leaver will spoil my name and my stats... should i PP?? well... i aint getting ban just becoz a noob... so hows suppose to do this shit??
while i planing to solve her out ... a fat ass pudge actually hook her out from my sight and solve all my problems.. and he said "FRESH MEAT!"
i replied "LOL, yeah rite...anyway thanks man!...oh ya... Rot to hell b****!!"
as roshan, but still, im like 24 lvl better then ur current pudge.
I always try to be a good omniknight .I heals you when
you hurts , Ga and repel ur ass when u rushing alone into drow , rylai and lina
with only 50 hp and a bunch of mana & hp potion in ur inventories
which u never use......its useless btw.
U cant blame me if u juz get own by those chicks when my GA and repel
runs off man.I cant be ur support unit endlessly, wat do you think? i have infinite
mana pool and no cooldown or sumthing??I need to regen and CD man.
Keep complaining about my hp is low, y mana not enough, wearing same old amours bla bla
Hey man, how the hell am i goin to farm my items when you keep asking me to supporting ur ass while u keep
rushing into enemy without thinking...
I need some private times to farm and earn man...
Everytime when u get ur ass in trouble u expect me to be right beside u..hey girl..
i cant always teleport to you once u Gangbang by some stunners or Invins.
I aint furion ok.
well at least give me like 30 min to farm alone for a boots of travels or sumthing.
whenever i wanted to farm alone or gang bang with my teammates.....u will use ur imba cooldown shaman's shackles to shackle my neck...wth
U see ..u cant expect me to change my build as u like, i need proper planing and time to farm
FYI, i need 2200 gold to convert boots of speed to boots of travels.Give me some space and time!!
Fighting with you is like fighting with mega creeps with all the raxes down,
it never end man.. it keep on coming and it gets stronger and stronger
and it grows FATTER as well...juz like u
Sometime i juz wish that i can have Faceless void's Timestop to freeze of our first 3 days.....
which i barely remeber....
Anyway, wat i hate the most about u ....
is that u have an imba ulti usage of Nerubian Weaver's Time Lapse..
Whenever we solve a problems... u will some how recreate and reconstruct the same old F-ing problems...
its like whenever i heal u.. u Time Lapse... i heal again u Time Lapse again.. WTF man...
u endless low hp faggotz.... y cant u juz heal up and stop the gay ulti... it kinda waste my mana u know...
Sometime i juz wish to suicide bomb my self into enemy rather then keep on healing u...
luckily i met this guy call Enigma,
we came out a plan which he can help me to ditch u in a hole call "black hole" and so
FFS u will gone for eternity...
too bad its was a fail attempt...
it looks like enigma's black hole cant suckup own alied...
damn i tot she's an enemy...
the only option now is either i leave the game or i Pull the Plug... but too bad.. being a leaver will spoil my name and my stats... should i PP?? well... i aint getting ban just becoz a noob... so hows suppose to do this shit??
while i planing to solve her out ... a fat ass pudge actually hook her out from my sight and solve all my problems.. and he said "FRESH MEAT!"
i replied "LOL, yeah rite...anyway thanks man!...oh ya... Rot to hell b****!!"
Friday, November 7, 2008
A nice joke..
A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, Jervis, the night off. She said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would enjoy his evening. The wife wasn't having a good time at the party. So, she came home early, alone. Her husband stayed on, socializing with important clients. As the woman walked into her house, she found Jervis by himself in the dining room. She called him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom.
She turned to him and said, in the voice she knew he must obey, "Jervis, I want you to take off my dress." This he did, hanging it carefully over a chair. "Jervis," she continued, "now take off my stockings and garter belt." Again, Jervis silently obeyed. "Now, Jervis, I want you to remove my bra and panties." Eyes downcast, Jervis obeyed. Both were breathing heavily, the tension mounting between them. She looked sternly at him and said, "Jervis, if I ever catch you wearing my stuff again, you're fired!"
She turned to him and said, in the voice she knew he must obey, "Jervis, I want you to take off my dress." This he did, hanging it carefully over a chair. "Jervis," she continued, "now take off my stockings and garter belt." Again, Jervis silently obeyed. "Now, Jervis, I want you to remove my bra and panties." Eyes downcast, Jervis obeyed. Both were breathing heavily, the tension mounting between them. She looked sternly at him and said, "Jervis, if I ever catch you wearing my stuff again, you're fired!"
Friday, September 26, 2008
Random Joke
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.
'Oh my GOD!' screamed the woman. 'That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?'
The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."
Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay,' said the woman.
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, 'Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?'
Again the doctor spoke very calmly:
'Same illness, better health plan!'
'Oh my GOD!' screamed the woman. 'That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?'
The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."
Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay,' said the woman.
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, 'Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?'
Again the doctor spoke very calmly:
'Same illness, better health plan!'
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Random joke
Why I Fired My Secretary
This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.
My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn’t say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o’clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your Birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.” I said, “Thanks, Joanne, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”
We went to lunch but not where we’d normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, “You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?” I replied with “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”
After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, “Boss if you don’t mind, I’m goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.
And I just sat there…
On the couch…
Naked.
This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.
My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn’t say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o’clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your Birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.” I said, “Thanks, Joanne, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”
We went to lunch but not where we’d normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, “You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?” I replied with “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”
After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, “Boss if you don’t mind, I’m goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.
And I just sat there…
On the couch…
Naked.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Random joke
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in
his room, so he
decided
to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address,
and without
realizing his error, he sent out the e-mail.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just
returned from her
husband's funeral. The widow decided
to check her inbox, expecting condolence messages from
relatives and
friends.
Upon reading the first message, she fainted. The
widow's son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read as follow:
To : My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date : 16 May 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They gave
computers here,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached here and have been checked-in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
Bye
his room, so he
decided
to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address,
and without
realizing his error, he sent out the e-mail.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just
returned from her
husband's funeral. The widow decided
to check her inbox, expecting condolence messages from
relatives and
friends.
Upon reading the first message, she fainted. The
widow's son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read as follow:
To : My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date : 16 May 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They gave
computers here,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached here and have been checked-in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
Bye
The Italian
The Italian.
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 Months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Drugstore and buys a pregnancy test.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says," Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest we do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuk her again."
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 Months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Drugstore and buys a pregnancy test.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says," Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest we do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuk her again."
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Cold Jokes
Just for sharing.
One day, banana went out dating with his girlfriend.
Its a hot and sunny day, so banana took off his shirt.
And then, the girlfriend fell down.
--
During road test, at a one way left turn junction.
The examiner ask the student: "Turn left?"
Student: "Right..."
The student failed.
--
A young man got lost while looking the way to university.
But he found a professor, so he ask:"How do I go to university?"
Professor:"Study hard, boy."
--
Once upon a time, a polar bear thinks that the sun is too shiny, so he put up sunglasses.
Then he became a panda...
--
One upon a time, a bun was hungry, so he ate lots of meat.
Then he became a pao...
--
One day, banana went out dating with his girlfriend.
Its a hot and sunny day, so banana took off his shirt.
And then, the girlfriend fell down.
--
During road test, at a one way left turn junction.
The examiner ask the student: "Turn left?"
Student: "Right..."
The student failed.
--
A young man got lost while looking the way to university.
But he found a professor, so he ask:"How do I go to university?"
Professor:"Study hard, boy."
--
Once upon a time, a polar bear thinks that the sun is too shiny, so he put up sunglasses.
Then he became a panda...
--
One upon a time, a bun was hungry, so he ate lots of meat.
Then he became a pao...
--
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